RIGHTIST TRUMP

Rumored Autistic Savant Barron Trump Shakes D.C. To Its Core

Barron Trump, the 11-year-old son of the president, arrived in D.C. wearing a now famous T-shirt bearing the message “The Expert.”  D.C. watchers claim that this message was not a mere accident.  Barron may be bringing a powerful, far-right influence into the West Wing.  [More]

HAIRY SITUATION

Lebron James' Generous Teammates Pitch In With Hair Donations 

Entering the NBA Finals, the only opponent that seems to have the better of NBA superstar Lebron James is his hairline. His doctor says he is out of donor hair from the back of his head. Trapped in a corner, his teammates are hoping to bail him out by donating their own follicles.  [More]

 

THE BIZ

CO Theater Tragedy Shocks But May Boost Industry 

By EDUARDO LOPEZ-LARMO

First, please understand that in no way does this piece condone or forgive the violent acts of that monster on Friday, July 20 in Colorado...  

FILM REVIEW

Pixar Gives Sexual Power To Budding Princess Merida 

By ISABEL KERCHNER

When Princess Merida needs to cross a bridge to return to the kingdom, it is implied that she performs sexual favors for an ogre.    

CELEBRITY WATCH

 Bieber Sexy To Both  Straight And Gay

By PETER HARTWIG

SANTA MARINO – A study published in July’s edition of Modern Sociology Journal reaches a shocking conclusion: many men that live “straight” lives find teen crooner Justin Bieber to be “sexy.”  Even more impressively, when Bieber is dressed in a wig and makeup a whopping 82-percent of men classify him as “sexy.”A majority of male subjects registered a sexual response to the image of Justin Bieber dressed as a female. 

 
THE TREATMENT

Controversial Brian’s Song Redux In Production

By DARREN WILKES

HOLLYWOOD - Word that Artisanal Film of Santa Marino is planning to remake the sports classic tear-jerker Brian’s Song was greeted with anxiety by more than a few fans of the original film — and by Billie Dee Williams who starred as Gayle Sayers in the original film. With that surname, whether he was black or Persian was up for debate, but one thing for certain was that he was cool.

SATC REBIRTH

SATC’s Bradshaw To Get Feminized

By DAWN HYMAN

Did anyone really think that Carrie Bradshaw would ride the airwaves -- or cable lines -- ever again?  Well, get ready, because stunner Annasophia (yes, all one word) Robb will be taking up the mantle of a young Carrie Bradshaw in go-go NYC in the 1980s in Sex and the City Prequel -- The Carrie Diaries.  For those unfamiliar with Robb, she looks only vaguely like the beloved Sarah Jessica Parker. 

FILM REVIEW

Surprising Innocence Earns Its 79 Virgins

By EDUARDO LOPEZ-LARMO

If any publicity is good publicity, the controversial film Innocence of Muslims is very fortunate indeed. Recent unrest in the Middle East supposedly sparked by previews of the film has launched an unintended awareness campaign that no marketing budget could touch. But is Innocence worth the price of admission?

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