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Lebron JamesTeammates Pitch In To Preserve Star’s Hairline

The NBA’s Biggest Star Receives Hair Donations From His Devoted Cavalier Teammates To Keep Hit Pate Covered In Hair


Published May 27, 2017


LOS ANGELES – LeBron James and his very troubled hairline have booked their trip to the NBA Finals to face the Golden State Warriors for a third consecutive time.  In the process, James surpassed Michael Jordan as the all-time leading scorer in NBA playoff history.

While James aspires to match Jordan in NBA championship rings, there is one area that he hopes to distinguish himself from His Airness: male pattern baldness.  In fact, James has been the butt of hair jokes for years.  His teammates are aware that anxiety about hair loss has dogged their best player to the point where it has impacted his performance on the court.  Now they want to help out by donating their own healthy follicles to be implanted to fill James’ growing bald area.

James’ history of hair loss is one longer than his size 15 shoe.  In 2014, when James’ balding reached a breaking point he saw a surgeon to perform hair transplants.  James showed up at the unveiling of his new Nike shoe showing a noticeably more robust hairline.  He also showed tell-tale tracks on the back of his head where donor follicles were removed and placed on top of his head.

I told Lebron I wanted to donate but after checking with his doctor it seems my hair would not be a good match.

According to hair transplant expert and surgeon Dr. Seth Golden, James does not have enough hair in the back of his head to continue filling in the top.  “Lebron already shows ‘tracks’ [where donor hair was taken] in a bad way, and the more hair he loses on top the more need he has for more healthy follicles,” said Dr. Golden.  “Unless Lebron finds donors willing to give up their own follicles, he would have to give up the fight and shave his head.”

Fortunately for the 6’8” dynamo, his teammates are lending a helping hand.  Small forward JR Smith, center Larry Sanders and a number of additional undisclosed Cavaliers will be going under the knife to share their hair with their team captain and leader.

“There is nothing I wouldn’t give to help Lebron feel confident and focused on his game,” said Shumpert, who is known for sporting his own experimental hairstyles.  “It’s a small price to pay and if it helps us win a title then it’s part of earning a second [NBA championship] ring.”

Power forward Kevin Love supports the team’s effort and laments he cannot contribute some of his own hair.  “I told Lebron I wanted to donate but after checking with his doctor it seems my hair would not be a good match,” he said.

Dr. Golden said that Lebron could use hair from other parts of his body, but it would not be ideal.  “Many African-American men will use hair from their nether regions, but contrary to popular belief this is not a good match for the hair on their head and the surgery is painful.”

James has reportedly scheduled the surgery sometime after the completion of the NBA finals.