MEDIA MATTERS

Hurricane Irma Exposes Cable News Networks

CNN and other cable news networks found that the worst Hurricane Irma devastation was not in Florida but in a worse place: their credibility.  After convincing the nation that Irma would devour the entire state of Florida, the hurricane fizzled in the Caribbean and left the hysterical media red-faced.  [More] 

IN THE TOILET

Houston Mayor Orders Residents to Flush More

In an executive order that conflicts with conventional wisdom and modern environmental ethics, Houston Mayor orders residents to flush their toilets more to help clear out floodwaters.  [More]

 

RIDE SHARING

The Top Ten Complaints About Uber and Lyft

With more and more people relying on so-called ride sharing provided by powerhouses Uber and Lyft, not all is perfect in the world.  The LBT's resident curmudgeon Charles C. Schultz sounds off on his top ten complaints.  [More]

RIGHTIST TRUMP

The Expert: Rumored Autistic Barron Trump Shakes D.C. To Its Core

Barron Trump, the 11-year-old son of the president, arrived in D.C. wearing a now famous T-shirt bearing the message “The Expert.”  D.C. watchers claim that this message was not a mere accident.  Barron may be bringing a powerful, far-right influence into the West Wing.  [More]

 

DENTAL CRIME

California Dentist Charged With Using Illegal Labor For Dental Procedures

By JENEANE KLEIN

A Santa Marino dentist is fighting charges that he used uncertified and untrained workers to perform both simple and complex dental procedures, sometimes while his patients were under anesthesia. Spokesman for the California Dental Board described the charges against Taylor P. Schmidt, D.D.S. as follows: “Dr. Schmidt is accused of using unlicensed and incompetent workers to perform his own work or work requiring a licensed and properly trained doctor of dentistry.”

ISLAMIC CULTURE

Exclusive Interview With The Prophet Mohammed

By MINDY PEARLESTEIN

In light of the unrest in the Middle East and our collective concern over respecting the sensitivities of Muslims, The LBT took time out to interview perhaps the best local source for the Islamic viewpoint: Mohammed himself. Our local Mohammed is actually a she -- Islamic Studies Professor Dr. Margaret R. Von Schmeigel of Santa Marino College.

TRANSPORTATION

California To Use Vice To Expand Its Bullet Trains

By DONNA MABRY

California’s first bullet train may be the country’s first rolling Las Vegas complete with black jack, craps tables, slot machines – and legalized female escorts. Revenue raised from gaming and adult entertainment will be used to build additional track and train stations.  There was even discussion in the Assembly of an entire “red light district” train in which prostitution would be the primary attraction.  

Villaraigosa Emerges As National Spokesman For Latino Voters

LOS ANGELES, CA - On Sunday Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa made his second appearance on Face The Nation with Bob Schieffer to serve as an authority on Latino voters across the country.  Villaraigosa said that Latino's are more concerned about participating in American society than job losses.  As such, Obama will not lose Latino voters at election time.  [More]

HARD TIMES

Changing Attitudes of Children Make Courtship Harder For Molesters

By SUSAN K. ABDULLAH 

[Names have been changed in this article in order to protect certain sources from legal action.]  Many parents have lamented the bad attitudes of kids today.  The talking back, the never accepting “no,” and the overall disrespectful attitude seem like nothing short of a national disaster.  They could have, however, an unusual and unexpected benefit.  Kids have become more difficult targets for child molesters, especially in the Santa Marino area.  One admitted child molester – “Darryl” – laments the new game of child predation.  [More] 


ASIANS ARE WHITE

Asians May Be Counted As Whites In California To Stem Demographic Tide

By THOMAS M. THORPE

SACRAMENTO, CA - According to new analysis of census data, the Latino population in California will surpass the number of whites sometime in the next 12 months,  To halt the shift, state officials have begun discussions to reclassify Asians as white in all state surveys and reports.  The proposal to reclassify Asians has the support of many policymakers in Sacramento and it would go far in salving a demographic slide that has many, at least privately, in a panic.  [More]

LOVING THE BOMB

Local Nuclear Engineers Propose Nuclear Detonation To Save Coral Reef

By CYNTHIA MAHR

For most the thought of nuclear bombs evoke images of incinerated cities, orphaned children and scorched livestock.  During the Cold War nuclear destruction was a real and constant threat.  Along with tailfins and transistor radios, the 1950s and 1960s were the era of so many “duck-and-cover” public safety films.  There could be, however, a brighter side to the bomb.  In fact, this brighter side might soon shine on Santa Marino.  [More]

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