MEDIA MATTERS

Hurricane Irma Exposes Cable News Networks

CNN and other cable news networks found that the worst Hurricane Irma devastation was not in Florida but in a worse place: their credibility.  After convincing the nation that Irma would devour the entire state of Florida, the hurricane fizzled in the Caribbean and left the hysterical media red-faced.  [More] 

IN THE TOILET

Houston Mayor Orders Residents to Flush More

In an executive order that conflicts with conventional wisdom and modern environmental ethics, Houston Mayor orders residents to flush their toilets more to help clear out floodwaters.  [More]

 

RIDE SHARING

The Top Ten Complaints About Uber and Lyft

With more and more people relying on so-called ride sharing provided by powerhouses Uber and Lyft, not all is perfect in the world.  The LBT's resident curmudgeon Charles C. Schultz sounds off on his top ten complaints.  [More]

RIGHTIST TRUMP

The Expert: Rumored Autistic Barron Trump Shakes D.C. To Its Core

Barron Trump, the 11-year-old son of the president, arrived in D.C. wearing a now famous T-shirt bearing the message “The Expert.”  D.C. watchers claim that this message was not a mere accident.  Barron may be bringing a powerful, far-right influence into the West Wing.  [More]

 

LUNAR GRAFFITI
Alphabet Launches Bold Plan To Place A Mark On The Moon Visible From Earth  

Alphabet (parent company of Google, Inc.) has announced an audacious plan to land rovers on the lunar surface that will mark a giant "G" by raking the moon's sun-bleached soil.  The plan has both its critics and supporters.

RADIOACTIVITY
Children Experience Whimsical Coloration In Fingers Due To Fukushima Radiation  

Many Americans along the West Coast have been fearful that dangerous radiation from the Japanese nuclear disaster at the Fukushima power plant would drift across the Pacific Ocean and injure Americans.  Apart from sea creatures struck down by radiation that have drifted to U.S. shores, Americans have seen no impact from Fukushima – until now, that is.

VEGETATIVE STATES
Scientists Communicate With Patient In Vegetative State; Patient Non-Cooperative  

In an experiment, the researchers applied state-of-the-art diagnostic tools to the brain of a 37-year-old patient named “Alex” (not his real name). Alex was able to convey a “yes” or “no” just by thinking about moving his right or left arm. Although his limbs have not worked in over 10 years, a functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) scanner could detect which limb he was thinking about moving.

BEHEADINGS
Only Known Survivor Of Beheadings Tells His Story  

Investigative journalist Adam M. Barr was working on a story in Afghanistan near the Pakistani border when the terrorist group Al-Badr kidnapped him.  A CIA-led rescue mission was organized.  Barr was rescued, but only moments after his beheading.  Less than 24 hours later a German hospital successfully reattached his head to his body in a radical new procedure.  Barr lives to tell the tale of his beheading.

MORE NASA SCI-FI
NASA Faces More Questions Over Mars Rover Photo Anomalies  

NASA once again finds itself in hot water over a Mars Curiosity rover photograph that appears to include human trash.  This time the culprit appears to be a rusted beer or soda container.  Just last week after allegedly drilling into dry Martian rock, NASA's Curiosity rover allegedly discovered signs that the Mars Gale Crater was once watery and could have hosted an entire Martian biosphere based on a type of microbe found in caves on Earth.  NASA seemed prepared to record the find as a major achievement.  Then something changed all that: another “artifact” turned up in a photograph.
GODZILLA HITS CALI
Giant Squid From Fukishima Washes Ashore In California  

For the second time in recent months, a giant sea creature has washed ashore in California.  First it was a rare oarfish that had grown to a freakish 100-foot length.  This time it was a giant squid measuring a whopping 160 feet from head to tentacle tip.  These giants look different but experts believe they share one important commonality: they both come from the waters near the Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant in the Futaba District of Japan.

MONSTER FISH
Giant Fish Discovered In California Linked To Japanese Nuclear Disaster  

On Friday, people strolling on the beach in Santa Monica discovered what might be the largest modern fish ever to roam the seas washed up on the shore.  Dubbed “Godzilla Fish” by the media, the 95-foot colossus started its life as a rare oarfish.  Scientists believe that following the 2011 disaster at the Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant in the Futaba District of Japan, the oarfish suffered genetic mutations that triggered uncontrolled growth – or “radioactive gigantism.”

BUTT DRIVER
Scientists Exploring Ways To Operate Motor Vehicles With The Anal Muscles 

It's the future. You're racing down the highway when, all of a sudden, the driver ahead of you slows down. You know you need to hit the brakes to avoid an accident, but your foot can't move fast enough. You're about to rear-end the guy, except...

FERTILITY TREATMENT
Women That Freeze Eggs Have Offspring With Health Issues 

Miles, was among the first babies born in the United States from a frozen egg – or “oocyte.”  Now eight years old, Miles looks like almost any other child.  But Miles and many children like him born of frozen oocytes have shown a number of novel medical issues, the most prominent of which is a natural body temperature below 97-degrees Fahrenheit.

PACKING HEAT
Microwave Popcorn Linked To Radioactive Particles And Cancer Deaths  

In the first study to evaluate the health risks of exposure to microwave popcorn fumes, researchers have found that the risks are well above the acceptable level.  The study assessed the risk for lung cancer and heart disease deaths among popcorn eaters and also – the first study to do so – among bystanders.

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