RIGHTIST TRUMP

Rumored Autistic Savant Barron Trump Shakes D.C. To Its Core

Barron Trump, the 11-year-old son of the president, arrived in D.C. wearing a now famous T-shirt bearing the message “The Expert.”  D.C. watchers claim that this message was not a mere accident.  Barron may be bringing a powerful, far-right influence into the West Wing.  [More]

HAIRY SITUATION

Lebron James' Generous Teammates Pitch In With Hair Donations 

Entering the NBA Finals, the only opponent that seems to have the better of NBA superstar Lebron James is his hairline. His doctor says he is out of donor hair from the back of his head. Trapped in a corner, his teammates are hoping to bail him out by donating their own follicles.  [More]

 

LET'S BE FRIENDS

North Korea Threatens Nuke Hidden Within U.S. Ready For Detonation

The State Department confirmed early Friday morning that North Korea’s young dictator leader Kim Jong-un has issued a stern warning to the U.S. that the Stalinist regime has successfully smuggled a nuclear device onto American soil across its southern border.

BUTT PLUGGED

Loud Gastrointestinal Sounds May Have Doomed Steenkamp

A sobbing Oscar Pistorius was scolded by a South African judge Tuesday after the fallen Olympian tearfully admitted killing his model girlfriend — but insisted it was an accident.  Perhaps that strangest aspect of the tragedy to arise thus far is Pistorius' new alibi: farts.
THE BIG EQUALIZER

Pres. Obama Pledges War Reparations To North Korea

By PETER HARTWIG
President Obama on Tuesday appeared to execute a 180-degree shift on U.S. policy towards North Korea’s advancing nuclear program.  In a statement released early Tuesday morning, he called North Korea’s third successful nuclear test an “impressive accomplishment” that reflects North Korea’s “new prominence in the region and the world.”

FAMILY FEUD

U.S. Couple Sues Overseas Adoption Agency For Overselling Adoptee

By CHRISTIAN PLUMBER

A well-to-do couple in the wealthy Boston suburb of Newton set out to become parents.  What they got instead is a lawsuit with potential groundbreaking potential in the adoption game.  Last week Conrad and Jody Berson filed a $10 million dollar lawsuit against the Hope and Love Adoption Agency based in the Republic of Belarus.

SENSITIVTY TRAINING

Controversial Plan To Build Amusement Park At Auschwitz

By CHRISTIAN PLUMBER

POLAND - The Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum is a memorial and museum in Oświęcim (German: Auschwitz), Poland, which includes the German concentration camps Auschwitz I and Auschwitz II-Birkenau.  Since the end of the Cold War, the museum has not been accustomed to controversy.  A new plan for an amusement park next to Auschwitz I, however, has Jewish groups as well as members of the local Polish government up in arms.

IRAN

Ahmadinejad Uses Chess To Study The Mind Of The Jew

By CHRISTIAN PLUMBER

NEW YORK - He may receive much scorn and hostility in the US media, but President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad never fails to surprise and entertain.  In his latest trip to New York to attend the United Nations General Assembly he revealed his latest passion: chess.  According to President Ahmadinejad, he is found that the best way “to understand the mind of the Jew” is to play chess.

CHINA

China's New Aircraft Carrier Might Not Be Seaworthy

By KOBE TAKENAKA

BEIJING -- China sent its first aircraft carrier into formal service on Tuesday amid a tense maritime dispute with Japan.  Maritime experts and Chinese naval crew have their initial reviews...

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