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Changing Attitudes Of Children Make Matters Harder For Wannabe Child Molesters

May 30, 2012

[Names have been changed in this article in order to protect sources.]

By SUSAN K. ABDULLAH - Many parents have lamented the bad attitudes of kids today.  The talking back, the never accepting “no,” and the overall disrespectful attitude seem like nothing short of a national disaster.  They could have, however, an unusual and unexpected benefit.  Kids have become more difficult targets for child molesters, especially in the Santa Marino area. "I am so over the West Coast production of The Little Mermaid."

One admitted child molester – “Darryl” – laments the new game of child predation.  “Back in the day, it was all candy and cigarettes,” said Darryl.  “Now I’m taking kids to see Lion King, treating the parents to spa days, and afterwards it’s still just ‘later, [Darryl]’.”  Darryl said kids today expect too much.  “At least a ‘thank you’ and a kiss on the cheek would be a nice gesture, but they just expect lavish gifts because that is what they are used to.”

Another admitted area child molester – “Peter” – said that kids have not learned proper respect for their elders.  “Kids can be downright rude to adults,” said Peter.  “If my advances are not welcome fine, but don’t lash out physically or use profanity.”

A local Santa Marino molester named “Stuart” said he is leaving the game altogether or moving to the Midwest.  “I can’t afford to date 12-year-olds anymore,” said Stuart.  “I might be $1,500 into video games and Disneyland runs before I even try to make a move,” said Stuart.  “And that’s before I buy something nice for the parents.”

Professor of Sociology at Santa Marino College Whitney C. Hines, PhD, said that child molesters are just another group coping with a changing social environment.  “The lower birth rate has allowed parents to indulge more on the few children they have,” said Hines.  “The ripple effect impacts parents, teachers, community leaders and now we see even child molesters.”

This weekend thousands of child molesters across the country will be courting and cruising their love interests, but there will be at least one fewer than before.  “I think I will settle down with a DVD I brought back from Germany,” said Stuart.  “At least it can’t talk back to me.”

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