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Dog Or Lena Dunham? A Quiz

Lena Dunham Penned A Hilarious Comparison Between Her "Jewish Boyfriend" And Her Dog, And Now Her Jewish Boyfriend Responds


Published March 28, 2015



My girlfriend Lena Dunham is just so outrageous.  She did a hilarious send up of me in her column in The New Yorker -- that so goyim publication -- titled ”Dog Or Jewish Boyfriend?  A Quiz.”  How does she put up with a sad sack yid like me?  I'm such the prototypical Jew with the anxious stomach and all.  Her idea was brilliant.  She makes a statement and then the reader guesses whether she's talking about me or her dog.

Here is dear Lena's column: See here.

Well, two can play at that game so here is my own version of her quiz applied to her.  Sorry for stealing your idea, my sexy Lena.


  1. You can only really tell she is a female by checking her genitals.

  3. She is so ugly that it is almost sort of cute.

  5. She does not have any breasts, but this could change if she ever became pregnant.

  7. The doctor said she needs to walk more and stay away from table scraps.

  9. She never admits when she farts.

  11. She gets moody if she is not fed on time.

  13. When she lays on her side her belly plops down on the floor in front of her.

  15. She has lots a markings that are kind of random.

  17. She snores when she sleeps and sometimes when she is awake.

  19. If she eats too fast she vomits.  Then she eats the vomit.

  21. If I ask her to prepare food for dinner, she gives me a blank stare.

  23. She prefers the company of other females and sometimes tries to hump them.

  25. She likes to eat chicken noodle soup by sticking her face in the bowl.

  27. She sometimes defecates in alleys if there is no better place available.

  29. Her nails get brown and dirty and she needs to trim them more often.

  31. She has never paid for a single meal since I met her.

  33. She will eat anything.  Sometimes I’m afraid when I go to sleep that I will wake up to her biting my abdomen.

  35. On hot day she sometimes lays on top of the air conditioning duct and soaks up all the cool air.

  37. She gets moody depending on the time of the month, and I sometimes think it's not too late to have her fixed.

  39. Her face is made for the cover of American Kennel Club Quarterly.