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Progressives and Moderate Republicans Brace Themselves as President’s Youngest Son Moves Into the White House -- and Sends an Ominous Message through a T-Shirt 


Published June 17, 2017


Barron Trump, the 11-year-old son of the president, has spent about one week in his new environs in the White House.  He arrived at the White House with uncommon flare donning a now famous T-shirt emblazoned with the message: “The Expert.”  D.C. watchers claim that Barron’s message was not a mere accident, but instead a signal to senior White House staff that there may be a new sheriff in town.  In fact, Barron could bring a powerful, far-right influence into the West Wing that makes Steve Bannon look tame in comparison.

Mystery shrouds the youngest Trump.  His sometimes odd movements and facial expressions have caused some to speculate that he registers on the autism scale.  These suspicions have not been confirmed.  Yet some familiar with his encyclopedic knowledge of world geography and the biographies of world leaders are convinced that he has autistic savant qualities. 

Nine sources with connections to the White House report to The LBT that the perception of Barron as a wunderkind has caused his stock to rise.  As one source described it, “As the swamp and the media try to take down Trump, he is looking for someone he can trust and who will fight back with greater venom.” 

A former teacher at Barron’s New York prep school in New York believes that Barron does have special abilities.  “He obsesses over immigration and has an eerie knowledge of population movements,” said the source.  “He can tell you how many people moved from Guadalajara, Mexico to Poughkeepsie, New York each month like he’s watching NSA satellite feeds all day.”  Barron also liked to show off to his math teacher by reciting digits of pi.  Reportedly, the teacher had to stop Barron -- after five minutes and about 1,000 digits.

Chris Randolph, the CEO of Newsnet and a friend of Trump’s, told the site that Barron’s strength is being “a fresh thinking kid who takes no prisoners.” Randolph, who claims to have met Barron on four occasions, thinks that the young man will have no problem navigating D.C. power politics.  “Barron plays 4-D chess upside down while most adults arrive in D.C. playing checkers,” he said. 

Despite Barron's quiet public persona, he is no shrinking violet behind closed doors.  One source close to the family claims that Barron’s politics are so far right and cause so much friction within the family that Ivanka and Kushner chose not to attend the family Thanksgiving dinner at Trump Tower last year because of his presence.  “Ivanka is a little afraid that he will grow up to be the U.S.'s first fascist dictator,” said a close friend of the popular first-daughter.  Also, rumors have circulated in Washington that the president has brought his son out at parties so that he could demonstrate his alleged abilities to move small objects through telekinesis.

Immigration advocates are worried that the arrival of Barron will mean that the White House will become more active in the president’s campaign’s signature campaign: illegal immigration. 

The source from Barron’s former school reports that for a social studies project Barron wrote a plan for holding camps for 20 million illegal aliens in the Arizona desert complete with a legal memorandum from powerhouse law firm Jones Day supporting the plan.

Not only liberals fear Barron’s arrival at the White House.  Sources close to right-winger Steve Miller report that he is concerned that his power as a favored right-wing adviser will decline in the wake of Barron’s arrival.  “That T-shirt was not any accident,” said a source close to Miller.  But Miller is no neophyte and will protect his turf.  “Barron is not too old that he can’t be influenced with candy or toys,” said another Miller ally.

Many are waiting to see how far to the right Barron is able to shift the White House.  Some people who supported the president during his campaign are hoping that the brash, take-no-prisoners leader they elected will start to emerge.  For those on the left, however, they can only hope that Barron’s youth and inexperience will limit his power.

“From everything I’ve heard, this young man [Barron] is a steely-eyed, manipulative, radical right-winger,” said Michael B. Weaver with the progressive D.C. thinktank DemocracyExtreme.  “We are not fooled by the exterior, and he will only get more dangerous as he matures.”