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Saturday
Feb022013

Top Ten Violations Of Gym Etiquette/Rules Of Conduct

From Loud Towel Boys To Illicit Cell Phone Use, The Gym Can Be A Place Of Breached Rules Of Behavior.

 

By BUTCH WITT

 

More and more Americans find themselves in the gym trying to stay fit.  This means sharing close quarters, often while naked.  Consideration of others can make the gym a better place for everyone and enhance overall well-being.  After all who wants to maintain a fitness routine if trips to the gym are unpleasant?

Below are the top ten complaints of 1,262 gym members we surveyed concerning their experience at the gym:

1.       Walking around naked.  By far the most common complaint is old, saggy members sharing their misery with the rest of us by strutting completely nude around the locker room.  Must we share your misery?  Why?  Most gyms have unlimited towel service.  All members – in particular the old and saggy – should cover up when possible.  Certainly walking across the locker room or bending over (in particular) should be done with a towel.  Too many young men have been scarred by visions of saggy junk.  [Ed.: The dimensions of the towels might not match the girth of larger members.]

2.       Cell phone use.  It’s bad enough that you have to listen to the Mexican towel boys [Ed: "Latino towel boys" is preferred term] shout at each other about this weekend's cockfight.  What pushes us over the line is the dual-incomed, middle-aged a-hole with the Audi in the parking lot on his cell phone time his arrival home with his testosterone-addled spouse who is picking up carry-out sushi.  They can talk for five minutes about his trip home -- even while being in a “cell free zone.”  Get off the phone already.  People other than you exist.  Fair dinkum.

3.       Facing the Jacuzzi jets.  This is a long overlooked offense but once detected it should cause gym members to lose sleep.  Check out your Jacuzzi.  Are any fellow members facing the wrong way?  And are any of these members holding their groins in front a of water jet?  If the answer is “yes,” next time you are in a Jacuzzi try holding your groin in front of a water jet.  Feel anything?  Now do you see what is going on?  For the female members, this can be forgiven.  For males, however, it means that everyone else in the tub swims with chlorified ejaculate.

4.       Working out in steamroom/sauna.  The steamroom and sauna are places of relaxation and reflection.  Cover up your privates and let your body wind down are the rules of the game.  So why do some freaks think they are their private Bikrum yoga studio?  And why when they are asked to stop panting and strutting around the steamroom do they turn hostile bordering on violent?  (This is probably a West Coast phenomenon.)

5.       Spitting up/urinating in shower.  What we do in the shower is – for the most part – our own business.  So long as we do not masturbate, defecate or urinate, we should be in good standing.  Most responsible members wear sandals of some kind, but not everyone does.  Some of our feet touch the linoleum in the showers.  So when we hear people coughing up gosh knows what from their lungs and spitting it in the shower, it is revolting.  Even if we do not walk barefoot in the shower, why should anyone suffer this noise?  Would you do this in any other public place?  

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