LOVE STORY

Hillary Clinton’s What Happened Tells the Story of Love in Unexpected Places

Few D.C. pols could have predicted that Hillary Clinton’s doomed presidential campaign would give rise to a sizzling love affair that now graces the pages of her new memoir.  What Happened is the story of both defeat and redemption.  Its passion rises above the petty politics that most associate with the 2016 election.  [More] 

MEDIA MATTERS

Hurricane Irma Exposes Cable News Networks

CNN and other cable news networks found that the worst Hurricane Irma devastation was not in Florida but in a worse place: their credibility.  After convincing the nation that Irma would devour the entire state of Florida, the hurricane fizzled in the Caribbean and left the hysterical media red-faced.  [More] 

IN THE TOILET

Houston Mayor Orders Residents to Flush More

In an executive order that conflicts with conventional wisdom and modern environmental ethics, Houston Mayor orders residents to flush their toilets more to help clear out floodwaters.  [More]

 

 

Sassy Shuttle Stoway Is The Hottest “Illegal Alien” To Hit L.A. Since Fernando Valenzuela

By ALEXANDER LEHER
Published September 22, 2012

LOS ANGELES — Space shuttle Endeavour rocketed beyond Earth orbit 25 times. On its 26th and final mission to its resting place in a museum, it had its most unlikely traveler.  Upon landing at Los Angeles International Airport, NASA officials located NASA’s first ever stowaway: an eight-year-old boy named “Lester.”

Standing at only 4’6" tall, Lester may not be our first African American astronaut, but he most certainly is our cutest.  Lester’s toy space helmet he used for encouragement during his cross-country journey seems like it can barely contain his adorable chubby cheeks.

I can confirm that this city has been blessed with the arrival of a very cute and very wonderful little boy,” said Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa at a press conference.  “Lester journeyed to Los Angeles because he is a true Dreamer just like his Latino brothers and sisteres.”   

Lester is, in fact, an orphan from the Orlando, Florida area who ran away from his foster home.  NASA officials are mum about how he might have gained access to Endeavor, but everyone seems tickled that he has entered our lives.

“[Lester] has enough spunk to light up the solar system,” said NASA spokeswoman Janette Barnes.  “He did not buy a ticket for the shuttle ride, but instead he won a ticket to our hearts.”

“He did not buy a ticket for the shuttle ride, but instead he won a ticket to our hearts.”

Mayor Villaraigosa's office has suggested that Lester could continue to live in the shuttle, and museum visitors could observe him in his own environment.  Critics argue this makes Lester into a zoo exhibit and would be distasteful.  It is clear that for now he does not want to leave the cozy confines of the shuttle.  “I know what got me here, an’ I ain’t leavin’!” he said to reporters through the plexiglass windshield of the shuttle.  L.A. County child welfare officers have been delivering him a steady diet of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Tang.

Wherever Lester ends up permanently, all hope that it includes a loving mom and dad or two of the same.