Las Vegas - Don't Even Go There - Page 3

Former Haunt Of Sinatra And Dino Has Mutated Into A Nightmarish Disneyland

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The Casinos Smell And The Gambling Is Lame

Well, if there is anything that Vegas can pull off it is the gambling, right?  In another time, gambling was fun.  Casinos were fun.  The sounds of coins dropping in to slots, the shouts, the sexy drink ladies.  Well, all of that is gone now.  You won’t find it anymore.  The slots spit out little voucher coupons.  The drink ladies in skimpy outfits are now sagging and slaving through two jobs to support the kid they had with a Mexican macho guy.  The sports books are empty.  Who needs sports books anyway when you have online sports betting?

Also, like the rest of Vegas the casinos never stop reminding you that they will make absolutely certain that they will take your money and never, ever give you a chance for an edge.  I went in thinking that I might try to count cards using a system I had read about.  Well, now they not only use a five-deck shoe but they shove the cards into the auto-shuffler after only a deck has been dealt.  This makes card-counting useless.  It also makes me wonder what cards are in the machine since they never show you like in the old days when they would lay the cards out and shuffle by hand.  Am I just supposed to trust the casinos?  No, thank you.

All that remains in the casinos is stale cigarette smoke which the more civilized among us no longer can tolerate.

The Shopping Stinks

Yes, there are some upscale stores mixed in with all the tattoos and tourist kitsch but one gets the sense that if you step foot inside you’ll pay twice as much as you would at home for substandard merchandise.  Besides anyone that would drop $10,000 on clothes and jewelry while in Las Vegas already has plenty of access to luxury stores.  I suppose if you have the coin, your little lady might enjoy spending some of your money in Las Vegas...  but she won’t want to walk on Las Vegas Blvd. so you’ll need a limousine or limit your shopping to your hotel. 

The Good

In my brief exploration of Las Vegas, the only thing in the entire city that sparked the pleasure center and that comes without an obscene price tag is the water fountain show at the Bellagio.  I must admit that this was impressive. 

Also, if you are with a woman (or you even are one) and she likes “people watching,” she will have big game hunting grounds in Las Vegas.  If you are an inveterate gambler and are there the weekend of a big sporting event, perhaps you might have fun carousing with other sports fans.

Speaking of sports, the famous college basketball coach Bobby Knight once said that if you know you are going to be raped and it is “inevitable,” than you should just “relax and enjoy it.”  He came under fire for this, but there is something to be learned.  If you are capable of relaxing and enjoying being financially raped, you might be able to have a good time in Las Vegas.  Otherwise, check Condé Nast for other options.  It’s a big world.