Sunday, July 27, 2014 at 3:05AM 7. Figure out whose food is whose when serving.
For all we natives that live in Southern California, we know this feeling: we are at a nice restaurant with your close companions. A charming young man or woman comes and takes our food order. Sometimes he or she even has thoughtful comments about the menu.
20 minutes later, a strange stout man walks up to our table carrying plates of food and looking befuddled. He mumbles something to himself. He takes the plate of halibut and English peas and motions it to you. No, that ain’t mine. That’s my friend’s girlfriend’s dinner… And so on.
There is a numbering system. A chimpanzee could be trained how to associate a number with a particular seat. Should we have imported chimpanzees instead of you? No? Then prove it!
8. Can the leafblowers.
Everyone appreciates a beautiful garden. And Lord knows that we never had as many gardeners the United States as we do today. We owe this to you.
Unfortunately, we also owe to you the most vexing noise on planet Earth. This is a noise that penetrates walls. It’s a noise that pokes you in the face on your own bed until you are in a rage. Do you call the police? Do you confront the gardener who will pretend not to comprehend what you’re asking? We are upset about this.
Latinos, this is essential. Cut it out with the leaf blowers. Really, we are sick and tired of the noise and the noxious fumes you blow into the air. We see you wearing face masks. You know what you are doing.
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