The 10 11 Types Of Single Women Over The Age of 30 - Page 5
10) The Crazy Cat Lady
Ah, the proverbial crazy Cat Lady. The “Crazy Cat Lady” now includes the crazy dog lady. Any dog under 20 pounds – or two dogs of the same breed – can push a woman into Crazy Cat Lady territory.
Crazy Cat Ladies have no room for a man although men are not too keen on her, either. After all, who needs all the toxoplasmosis from so much dried cat manure?
A man and his dog is different. Male-dog bonding takes on a religious sanctity, and it never impairs the creation of a larger family unit. Give a woman a cat or a small dog and those little critters will be creating all sorts of neuroses – and cock-blocking for a decade-plus.
11) The Crisis Girl
The Crisis Girl is an emerging breed, but also an important one. She thought she didn't need to “settle” with some unexciting clock-puncher loser of a husband, but she was very wrong. As her skin loses its luster, so do the comfortable sinecures and rent-paying beaus who once populated her glorious world.
So what to do when the Crisis Girl's life grinds to a halt and the money runs out? She stages a mental breakdown to tap the last resource available: her parents. After financing a women's studies degree costing a quarter-million dollars at a private university, it's tough for mom and dad to pony up cash for their able-bodied adult daughter without a very good reason. So Crisis Girl invents one: mental illness. It's an elegant solution. She's already mopey from her lost opportunities, and it's a small hop from mopey to severe depression and debilitating mental illness.
Now the Crisis Girl's parents pay for ineffectual “therapists,” brain-addling pills, and modest apartments in respectable neighborhoods so their “poor” daughter can maintain her dignity. All the while the Crisis Girl's dwindling supply of eggs wither in her ovaries like forgotten grapes in the back of the refrigerator.
So much wasted life and so unnecessary.
