FEMINISM
Janet Yellen Breaks Barriers In Traditionally Male World Of Economics
Dr. Janet Yellen will soon take the helm of the Federal Reserve Bank – or “Fed” – as its first female chair. A former professor of economics at Berkeley, she already has substantial experience at the Fed. Since 2010, she has assisted current chair Ben Bernanke in her capactiy as a Fed vice-chair.
KLU KLUX KLAN
Klu Klux Klan Begins Accepting Jewish Members Into Its Ranks
The Klu Klux Klan traces its long history to the post-Civil War era South. In the ensuing years, it has gathered, marched, picketed and, according to some, taken the lives of innocents. In 2013, however, it will do something it has never done before: admit Jewish members.
PARTY POOPER
Sen. Rob Portman Shocks GOP By Switching Positions
WASHINGTON — Senator Rob Portman of Ohio, a rising national star in the Republican Party, announced on Friday that he has discovered that he enjoys anal penetration while engaging in marital relations with his spouse. This experience has led him to reverse his position on Ohio’s strict sodomy laws. [More]
HARD WORKERS
Obama To Grant Hard-Working Detainees Work Visas For Home Depot Stores
The Department of Homeland Security has announced plans to release scores of undocumented detainees in anticipation of looming sequestration cuts. In order to find work for the releasees, the White House announced a controversial new plan for temporary work visas for home improvement stores.
NASA/MUSLIM OUTREACH
NASA Tech To Improve Muslim Relations
According to White House sources, during President Obama’s nomination speech at the DNC in Charlotte he will announce a new “outreach” program to share space technology with Muslim nations. The program will include rocket propulsion technology sharing that many critics in the U.S. and Israel say could be adapted for use in ballistic missiles.
WORD PLAY
Sen. Rubio Believes Power Of Words Can Cure Broken Immigration System
We can all agree on one thing: our immigration system is broken. Now let us consider another thing that the Democrats often say: the GOP does not like immigrants. On the contrary, we are pro-legal immigration. And we recognize that our legal immigration system needs to be reformed. [More]
GENDER BENDER
Sec. Defense Panetta To Allow Lesbians Into Combat Roles
Women could assume combat roles in the US army for the first time as early as this year, following a landmark decision by defense secretary Leon Panetta to lift partially a military ban on women serving on the frontline. The ban will be lifted only with respect to women who self-identify as lesbian. [More]
KORAN KAPER
By RAMESH RHAMJAMI
Even as the final touches were being put to the bunting and the ballrooms for Monday’s inauguration festivities, the Obama family was preparing a favorite family artifact for the swearing in. “This second time around we are going to include a family heirloom,” said First Lady Michelle Obama.
LEGAL BEAT
Girls Going Wild Sued For Using Fake Muslim Girls
By RAMESH RHAMJAMI
A class action lawsuit filed on Thursday asks an important question about the responsibilities of reality television. In particular, do producers of reality programming have a legal duty to not misrepresent the “reality” of their products? At the center of the suit is class representative Daniel Faber, a 21-year-old Santa Marino resident.
