VOLLEYBALL
Jennings/Treanor No Longer Cute Enough For The Cut
By ANTHONY DeLAURIS
PARALYMPICS
Chinese Paralympic Team Denies “Smarting”
By TERRI MORONE
Ge Ginlyi of China’s 2012 Paralympic Team swam her morning workout, two days before she will compete in the Summer Paralympics as the world’s fastest Paralympic sprinter – and one of the most mysterious.
CRIME BEAT
They came so fast and furious on Wednesday — the cringe-inducing allegations of years of child sex abuse by former Penn State football assistant Jerry Sandusky lodged by a parade of witnesses — yet one child’s testimony stood out from the rest.
PEDS AND ACNE
Dermatologist: Cut Out The PEDs To Save Your Skin
Dwyane Wade’s and Lebron James’ dermatologist Kenneth R. Becker, M.D. has told them both to “cut out the Primobalon, cut out the Tetrahydrogestrinone.” In English, this means “cut out the steroids.”
OFF THE HARDWOOD
Wade To Launch Film Career In A Very “Chipper” Role
According to Dwyane Wade “superagent” Stan Palatine, the Miami Heat star will be making his film debut as the lead chipmunk of the cartoon classic trio The Chipmunks. The working title of the film isThe Chipmunks III – Chipmunk Dreams.
PEDS IN NBA
Wade's Jaw Size Could Keep Him From Competing
MIAMI, FL – The dynamic duo of Dwyane Wade and Lebron James might be broken up next season. The separation, however, might not be due to any trade. Instead, an obscure rule limiting the jaw size of players that becomes enforceable in the 2012-13 season might disqualify Wade from the league.
DIVERSITY
NBA Seeks To Promote “Lin-sanity” Through Rule Changes
NEW YORK – Imagine this season’s “Lin-sanity” times 30. That is exactly what NBA Commissioner David Stern wants for the league in the next several years. Speaking with reporters recently in Miami after a Miami Heat playoff win, Stern disclosed plans underway to promote Asian diversity on NBA rosters.
NCAA FOOTBALL
JoePa’s Baby And Sandusky’s Showerwater
By EDGAR WEINSTEIN
The swirl of controversy still surrounding the Jerry Sandusky scandal feels as though it might swallow all of Happy Valley, PA. It is time that Penn State supporters take a deep breath and consider the following realities that no one can ever change:
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MLB BASEBALL
Batboy Insolence In MLB Gets Ugly As Playoffs Heat Up
By BRADFORD MIEHL
As the playoffs heat up, controversy surrounding batboys' bad attitudes reaches its boiling point. Are batboys overprivileged?